Eragon in Less Than 800 Words
by Nollie Violet Weasley
Summary: The title says it all.


A/N: This is Eragon in less than 800 words.

Oh no! The Elf chick got her butt kicked by a Shade!

Eragon was walking in the mountains. He found a shiny rock. Maybe it could help him buy meat.

Ope! Too bad the butcher hated him! And to make matters worse, his cousin was in love with his daughter! Could it get more complicated?

Of course! The shiny rock hatched! Now a stupid baby dragon burned his hand! Whatever was he going to do?

He decided to visit Brom the story teller. Brom told him all about dragons, and then Eragon named his dragon Saphira.

Then these weird men in black cloaks come looking for Eragon, and he would have gotten away if it weren't for that stupid butcher again. That's right, the idiot tipped them off! So then Eragon's farm was burned to the ground and his uncle charred to death, while Eragon's cousin proposed to the Butcher's daughter then left to be a blacksmith and Brom proceeded to get hit in the head.

They all spent some time at some random guy's house, then Eragon decided he should kill the people who burned his farm, who were apparently called the Raz'ac. Brom went with him.

After that, they went to a bunch of cities that had been destroyed by the monsters, Urgals, before finally reaching the trade city. Eragon liked it because it was by the water. So cliché. But anyway, Eragon then met Solembum, (The only cool character in the book) and Angela the witch. Angela told his fortune, where he was told he would have a passionate love affair.

That's when he started to have wet dreams about that Elf chick from the beginning.

Anyway, Brom then taught Eragon how to read so they could check boat records to see if the Raz'ac had been there. They decided they needed to go to, take a guess….ANOTHER RANDOM CITY WITH A FUNNY NAME!

Then a bunch of stuff happens on the way to this city…I'll condense it so I don't waste precious word space. Eragon gets attacked by the Raz'ac in that city, Brom dies, Eragon meets some crazy but hot traveler named Murtagh, Eragon gets attacked by the Raz'ac again and is taken to jail, finds that hot elf chick he's been dreaming about, gets saved by Murtagh who thinks he killed the Shade Durza, then all three escape and decide to ride through the desert.

By communicating telepathically with the elf (who we now know is named Arya), Eragon learns the way to the Varden and starts the journey, only to find out he has those Urgal things chasing him. Eragon throws rocks at them and manages to slip into the big mountain that his home to the Varden and the dwarves. Finally, Eragon can relax and rest.

Or so he thought.

Now he had to fight those darned Urgals again. This time they were pouring through the tunnels of the mountain. But however were they going to win? The Varden was so outnumbered! But don't worry, dear readers. This is a book, remember? Even stupid, under skilled underdogs can win!

But, alas! Who was leading these Urgals? Why, it was none other than the Shade Durza, who was not in fact dead, but rather living another life, or something. Anyway, the point was that if they killed Durza, the Urgals would go away.

So of course Eragon had to kill him, because the book is titled Eragon, and if someone else killed the Shade it would be titled their name. So Eragon fought with the Shade, and was about to lose (are you on the edge of your seat? I am.) when suddenly Arya burst through the glass ceiling riding Saphira, who was blowing fire for the first time.

Gee, how convenient that Saphira could miraculously blow fire right at that moment.

Then Eragon stuck his sword in Durza's heart.

Durza blew up and Eragon blacked out. When he woke up, he had a huge rope-like scar on his back. And for some strange, shallow reason, he was more upset about being disfigured than about Brom's death. Probably because Arya was right there.

In the end, it was ok, because right after the book ended, Arya and Eragon made out. It was probably because he still had good abs.

Then everyone lived happily ever after, except Durza and Christopher Paolini; Durza because he was dead, and Christopher Paolini had just written a terribly bad book.

The End.

Another A/N: 746 words! Not bad!


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